I found a post on Facebook that inspired me. I added it in “Addendum“ at the end of my piece. And here is my insight about it. With some added bold sarcasm, I have to warn you.

When a man loves only the idea of a woman, and not the woman herself, he ends up torn between fantasy and flesh. The split here refers to the division between fantasy and reality namely the idealized feminine image (the unattainable muse or Anima projection) and the real, flawed, living being.

By the way, women, too, can engage in this split in the same way with their Animus. But I address Anima here because the original post was about it.

Jung called this psychic dissociation when a part of the psyche becomes disconnected and is projected outward. In this case, it’s the disowned feminine qualities (the capacity to feel, relate, surrender, soften etc.).

Some men chase ideals because the ego craves control and perfection. So, the projection takes shape as the goddess, the muse, the dream. If you embrace gender essentialism (I personally am not), then it looks this way: their disowned feminine qualities are imagined as something “out there” in another person.

Others, who become more spiritual mature, begin to look at women through the perspective of the soul. The soul doesn’t seek perfection, it strives for growth that only wholeness can provide. This can be achieved through a real deep soul connection if there is openness for it. It comes with everything: beauty, flaws, mess, and mystery.

But here is the thing: getting lost in fantasy almost always impacts the psyche. This is what Marie-Louise von Franz meant by loss of soul. The inner world becomes incredibly hollow. You lose access to your emotional depth, creativity, and relational capacity, all of which are aspects of the Anima.

So, as a man, when you serve the ego’s fantasy, you chase an image instead of exploring your own soul. Sooner or later, you end up Anima-possessed. You long, project, and idealize every situation for its romantic potential.

You’d rather float in fantasy than ground a connection and live it in its full, human complexity. And those with insecure attachment (majority of the collective, unfortunately, as per latest data on the dating culture and modern relating) will be seduced by this the most.

You’ll also be more prone to limerence. And ironically, some soul connections will reflect that, because projecting an ideal onto someone else is an easy click for the unconscious. That’s not to say soul connections don’t exist. They do. But this is why integration is not only for the shadow. And it’s the real test of any bond’s authenticity.

When is the Anima truly integrated? Not when she’s idealised, like we see in so many modern spiritual posts lately, that is for sure. It’s when she is embraced in her full paradox. Exactly as she is. If you’re avoidant? It won’t be fast. You’ll meet her in layers or not at all.

This, inevitably, brings me to polarity dogma preached today. Polarity dogma - which let’s be clear, it is built solely on patriarchal templates which Carl Jung himself was not foreign to - can be more damaging than you think.

Here’s why. Most polarity frameworks today claim to be about integration, but, in practice? They often do the opposite. They elevate “masculine” and “feminine” into idealised projections, and then teach us to embody these projections. So, you don’t integrate the actual, lived human complexity within yourself and in a relationship. You “do the work” that others imagine you should do for yourself. Hence, projection.

But whose idea of “masculine” and “feminine” is that? Let’s answer with honesty. Often, the projection of what each gender should be is the collective fantasy. It’s not about who you are. It’s about who you’re expected to perform.Hence, the work isn’t your own inner work from the soul, it’s a performative work to fit in. And…to survive!

You don’t ask: What’s emerging in me?

You ask: Am I soft enough / strong enough/ magnetic enough to maintain polarity?

You’re building a self around a projected role, not integrating the parts of you that were split, wounded, or exiled.

Now, even about splitting, I have my own theory …from the liminal space I love to sit and watch realities unfolding. Sure, splitting doesn’t lead to integration, but integration itself? Sadly, it did not take long before it became yet another buzzword. Today, it’s being used almost like saying “hello”. For anything that triggers us and makes us feel rejected, we don stay with the feeling underneath. We reduce it to:

“𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙. 𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓”.

Today, you’re “cool and ascended” only if you do inner work and a very sanitised version of shadow integration just because “shadow is dark and toxic“, “shadow is childhood wounds” and “shadow will keep your divine counterpart away”.

It’s the new obsession, the bling bling in the polarity discourse. Just like “inner work” and “toxic positivity” have been right before it. It’s the new “Louis Vuitton” crutch for safety and “tribe” acceptance. If a spiritual “star” or “celebrity” signs up on that crotch? (Yes, Freudian slip. And no, I’m not fixing it.) Jackpot! Hey, take a selfie too, we all want to see that!

And, let’s be honest, it’s THE tool for control. Do the inner work, integrate the polarities, and you get your ticket to the ascension show. If not, see you in the next life. (Ok, ok, I will slow down, I am going to maintain “high vibe” and just leave it there.)

Here’s some nuance, though, like always: Yes, even through illusion, we can still grow. How come? That’s a different conversation and a full separate article for Substack 😊.

Addendum:

Side note for astrology enthusiasts: how bold of me to address this topic while transit Neptune & Saturn shifted their gears into Aries and Venus into Pisces! Right…

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This section explores the Animus and Anima not as trendy archetypes to embody, but as living psychic forces that shape our relationships, self-perception, boundaries, spiritual identity, and shadow expression. We’ll look at how these inner figures manifest through projection, possession, creative blocks, internalised hierarchy, feminine rivalry and masculine rivalry (masked as leadership, spiritual superiority, or energetic detachment).

We’ll expose how the unintegrated Animus fuels spiritual bypassing and boundary violations, and how the disowned Anima distorts connection into seduction, martyrdom, or idealized suffering.

We’ll explore how Logos and Eros operate beneath the surface not as roles, but as currents of consciousness.

This is not theory. This is structure, symbol, initiation, and more.

Whether you’re unpacking your attraction to emotionally unavailable people, confronting spiritualized control dynamics, unraveling psychic fawning, or reclaiming your right to speak from the Self, you’re in the right place.

Not polarity!

There’s a trend circulating neat graphics and soft voices telling us that masculine means “holding,” feminine means “flowing,” and if we could just surrender more, we’d be healed, loved, chosen. But that’s not Jungian. That’s not soul work. That’s performance masquerading as wholeness.

What Carl Jung mapped through the Animus and Anima isn’t about how to attract a partner, or how to “balance” your masculine and feminine energy so you can finally be lovable.

It’s about the psyche’s alchemical journey toward individuation: the painful, ecstatic, often confrontational process of becoming whole.

It’s about confronting what you’ve projected, reclaiming what you’ve abandoned, and unbinding from the internalized roles that keep your soul at war with itself.

Animus is not a man. Anima is not a woman.

They are inner archetypes.

Archetypal polarity is symbolic. Gender essentialism is ideological. Big difference!

They are not the same thing and many people collapse them.

And when left unintegrated, they rule you from the shadows. The Animus in a woman when unconscious can become tyrannical, seductive, punishing, or inflated. “He” whispers perfectionism, judges other women, and demands submission or praise. But when is integrated? “He” becomes her inner discernment. Her vision. Her sovereign voice.

The Anima in a man, when unexamined, can possess him with longing, fantasy, or fragility. She projects herself onto lovers, idealizes suffering, and hides behind mystique. When integrated, she becomes his feeling function. His embodied depth. His soul-sight.

This isn’t gender. This is inner mythos.

This is for the ones ready to descend. Not perform. Not preach. Not seduce. But wrestle. Reclaim. Remember.

This Animus & Anima section is a living altar, a place for myth, shadow, psychology, embodiment, and fire. You won’t find spiritual bypassing here. You won’t find romanticized polarity language. You’ll find mirrors, thresholds, and the raw work of becoming whole.

Start wherever something cracks you open. Or begin below where we name the unspoken, strip the archetypes of their costumes, and make soul contact.

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